June 7, 2000

7 June

Last night, an unexpected treat- a last minute invitation to a new production of the Mozart opera Cosi fan tutte, the delightfully perverse comedy . A terrific performance by The Atlanta Opera. Also a brief visit to the home of friends who never fail to inspire me. Tomorrow night, I’m looking forward to seeing my friend Mark Spybey in town with his project DVOA -touring with The Legendary Pink Dots.

Something began to happen to me internally when I was in Japan and as a result, the songs I wrote there are going to be some of the most beautiful ones on Disburden Disciple.

I am slowly and cautiously finding and allowing beauty and romantic love back into my life and the shock has been the realization that even though they are also a part of life and indeed beautiful, I no longer want or feel a need to literally live with and surround myself with images of death and decay. There is also a need and appreciation for simplicity and minimalism. I’m going for long walks almost every evening in a park nearby and I even feel intense joy emerging inside although I fear it because all extremes of emotion are ‘honey on a razor’s edge’ and they are all temporary.

Every week, I receive email and packages and letters from all over the world from people who say my music and also Swans – has had an impact on their life. This is not a reason to make music but it is one reason to take a deep breath and look around me and close my eyes and remember.

J