July 8, 2000

July 8 In addition to the guestbook comments, I received numerous personal emails about the July 6 Artery. I value what everyone wrote. Tonight I went to a contemporary art exhibtion space where several Norwegian artists’ works are on display. I spoke with Kristin Ytreberg from Oslo. She had the severe and beautifully strong bone structure of the type of Norwegian women that I have found warrior like and inspiring, I had a flood of incredible memories come into me about Norway and the effect it had on me. The fjords are impossible to describe. You must see them for yourself. The problems of this human life and all the pains of relationships pale to less than a ghost when you gaze at a fjord. And I never saw such intense colors of leaves …. The astonishing mile upon mile of unnatural neon orange of the trees lining the long stetches of rural highway roads.

So ……. regarding the July 6 Artery, my memories such as the sketch I have done for you above which comprise a rich set of experiences as a result of being alert and ‘recording’ what i observe when traveling , my aloneness now, and my music and my cyber world and a small circle of other people …compose my world now.

Yes, of course, I have thoughts about what it must be like to be passionately and joyously loved by another person. And there are times when I wish I was loved in this way. But the fact is, I do not have this in my life. Does this mean that my life should be any less? Tenderness and love i agree is very beautiful. But because it is not part of my experience, I have to stop giving it energy and desiring it on any level. To be told by a man that you have fallen in love with that he does not want anything more than a platonic relationship with you and only then when he wants to be around your energy is a deeply painful thing. And I have fjords to dream about and audiences to sing to and give THEM my heart, People like YOU. You deserve my love and consideration . And the ONLY lover in my life is my work.

If you have found a mutually equally loving relationship, bless you. Bless you.

Fjords. Boe. Oslo. Trondheim. The pagan gargoyles on the Church in Trondheim….The Hotel Brittania ….. Rock sauna….130 degrees. I love you Norway. I want to see you again and be yours.