July 20, 2000

July 20 Its 1:15 a.m.

what is Artery? it is my journal made public with the hopes that in being myself i will be able to show a part of myself that others can indentify with and feel less alone. it is not hype and it is not intended as a showcase for anything other than being real.

not wanting to become self conscious about what i write —-now that i get personal email about whatever it is i write about….

someone write to me that i sounded bitter sometimes. that is not my intention. i don’t feel bitter. i am not a victim. i make my choices . i will try to be more aware of the attitude i convey here.

and since i started Artery, i get strange messages. would you believe it if i told you that currently i am simultaneously being stalked by someone in my own city , as i am getting warnings that are numbered. sometimes when vanessa replies to these emails, it comes back as undeliverable which makes it all the more frustrating. sometimes they are threats and sometimes they are obsessive. and sometimes they are enlightening. thank you, “s”, all the way in Oman….

the most important person in my physical space life who is a mentor as well as the person i could give my heart to – does not know as much about my internal dialogue as you do- reading this. its funny. the persons closest to me don’t visit my virtual world . i suppose they think they know me by seeing me .

i am in a place with my work with regarding business that is confusing and contradictory. there is so much talk from artists about how horrible the labels are and yet booking agents say you must be signed to one of those COMPANIES to get the guarantees required to take a show on the road. i am ready to master and manufacture my new album but want it to be distributed and promoted beyond the scope of my own website. And to do live shows especially in Europe. The decisions are many and I hope with the aid of mentors and supporters I will make the right decision.