September 3, 2000

Sept 3 12:43 a.m.

Finally . Slept deeply last night . Yesterday was surreal as I had

not slept at all or hardly eaten.

Spent a couple of hours at Tower looking at books and taking in music.

A friend treated me to a Thai dinner of basil rolls and spicy soup.

And then.

That pulling sensation in my heart again. That aching .

That sense of vast and endless loneliness.

I know why sex becomes an addiction for some people.

You can completely lose yourself in it.

There is a dark angel with the longest eyelashes I have ever


and somehow he came into my life and captured my heart..

This angel has told me repeatedly that he cannot stay for long.

And so I must live in the moment and remember that he is an

angel and not of this world.

SO when this angel holds me , sometimes tears roll down my

cheeks and he does not know.

I just have one question. How many times in my life is my heart

to be destroyed?