September 7, 2000

Sept 7 12:43 A.M.

I try to understand and be tolerant. And I still find so much crazy cruel ignorant behavior around that I am dumbfounded and frightened. One of the things that I have noticed for years is how little respect many people in service positions give to even enthusiastic and open minded purchasers of the product or service. This can be applied to everything from grocery stores to nursing homes.

There is a surprisingly good energy however in the people I hear from via email and letters. I don’t know how many people reading this are in performance or public work –where you get feedback from people you don’t know but who know your work so feel a connection to you– but it is the proverbial “honey on a razor’s edge.”

If you allow yourself to believe and be moved by what one of these people says to you that makes you feel good- then you have to also be open to what another says that makes you feel bad. SO there is a dilemma.

I want to connect and be genuine in my work and not phony. I want to speak from my heart in my music …and I will not close myself off even if something hurts my feelings. I have dedicated my life to music in the face of hardship but it was what I had to do.

This is part of putting your original ideas out there to the public. Sometimes you will be misunderstood or even hated or mocked or maybe worse yet–ignored. Ignored when you gave all that you had to a project.

The only thing that can take care of this is a solid regular dose of hard reality and life on the precipice.

You must have a bond with yourself and let no one touch your ‘God Spot.’

(thank you p.h.)