September 9, 2000

September 9 5:04 A.M.

things on my troubled mind tonight. my cd, cmj, the shows, the video, my mother, today’s photo shoot, and …….

“you’re not in love. you want to possess.” he told me. “i don’t think about a relationship. i don’t want a relationship. ”

someone else who cares as a friend is concerned about me and tells me to move on from “an insignificant aspect of your future, a burden to your spiritual growth, a broken footbridge , a torrent of tears.”

not surprisingly , unable to sleep.

tomorrow i must run for an hour. blast myself with endorphins.

had shoot with photographer Erica Dines for my cd cover and the website.

looking forward to rehearsing on Sunday. Must give everything to the music. The music is the one thing that does not let me down.

in the wise words of Scott Michael Martin :

J.,

You are in love.

The deepest pain imaginable.

We all pine for the deepest pain imaginable, and it eventually comes, and we ALL go, “Fuck. This is the deepest pain imaginable.”

We are all insane.

x,

SM