November 10, 2000

Nov 10 2:16 a.m.

‘” I LIKE my solitude,” he said to me explaining why he is ’emotionally detached’ ….

And I find myself in my own place of isolation wondering why I attract people who are emotionally cut-off?

He is not the first person to say this to me.

Can I be that deadly ? That fierce? Do I affect people so that they withdraw into themselves ?

“You get what you deserve,” he says to me.

How beautiful to be loved with a vibrant intensity by a loving ’emotionally alive’ person who is fully there in the moment with you….. a person who gives deeply and looks into your eyes saying this with their body as they make love to you…

I admit I secretly dream that he will ‘ come back ‘ and be capable of giving me this kind of love. Maybe I am also in denial (as he also says) to dream this. Maybe he will never be capable of this again …at least with me… So people have emailed asking about the CMJ panel and the concert. I did say I would talk about it here.

I enjoyed being on the panel . I did state my own views about the labels and that there is another way other than signing with a label to get your work out to the public. I also talked about the community aspect of being an independent artist with regard to reaching the people who care about your work…and the internet destroys that distance to a degree. I am intentionally accessible and spend a part of my day when I can , being available via email.

The concert (photos coming) was another facet of experimentation and I learned a lot from it. Another face revealed. A step in a new and free direction. I am at the place where I can look back at my body of work to date and see where I now want to go…..

Also to the people who emailed ‘commenting’ ( ahem) about Georgia voting Republican—-I live in metro Atlanta and the county where I live–supported Al Gore.

I’m working on material for the next Disburden project and will be going to New Jersey to work with James Izzo (Thread) before the end of the year.

X

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