December 11, 2000

Dec 12 10:19 p.m.

Today I was happy.

I ran for an hour and fifteen minutes in the morning and felt so energized later on that I worked out with my weights for around 40 minutes.

I have intensified my St John’s Wort and B -complex . Also a Myoplex bar before I ran.

Have begun two books: Memoirs Of A Geisha and The Ice Opinion.

Had a productive day. Bagged up a lot of items to give to friends, and also to give to charity.

I love this house in the evening. Especially the black walls by candlelight in the living room and the intense satin gold walls of the bedroom. I love this moment … the house , the land, my pickup truck and little things I have realized suddenly –like the surprise that my body has become thinner. Yeah. ok. The weight loss has been brought about by the inability to eat as a result of the pain of losing the love of the man I adored ……but hey –now that I am this slender again, it feels good to be light.

How is that for a silver lining !

This week a friend and I see PJ Harvey in concert. And I am looking forward to dinner with a person I hope to get to know better as a friend tomorrow night. I need friends here. People I find kind and interesting who care about getting to know me. Who respect me.

Rejection by your lover does something really powerful to you. I will never forget the pain . Was it worth it?

He was worth it, yes.

The poetry is beginning to flow again …. The next recordings for MEN will have a fluid rhythmic trance-like feel with strong basslines.

I think I’m going back to San Francisco in early January.

inspirational : Erzulie Danto

thank you my friend.