December 13, 2000

Dec 13

Last night I was in the company of a man I have always liked but had not gotten to know –who was attentive and respectful and funny and full of insight and full of compassion and good energy. He said he could tell I was a good person. And I know that he is a good person. Just from being in that light, I felt high all night long. Being around someone who eminates hostility and resentment is very damaging to one’s psyche.

I cannot allow that energy to enter me any more.

I have begun the process of seeking counseling with a woman therapist that I hope can point me to the tools I now need to use to move forward in my life emotionally.

The ongoing damage of this situation with this man who has so bitterly spit out his anger in my face has got to stop and I am going to make it stop.

I hope that each of us can take responsibity for our own words and actions and stop hurting each other.

I have not given up faith in him in my life . I want us to be close even if only friends but the loss of him as my lover is a great and terible tragedy.