April 13, 2001

Friday the 13th

So yesterday I had a bad day. But before that, I had a relatively good one. So it seems that the lesson is to stay steady on the course of MEGA REST —- even if I have the suggestion of feeling ‘better’.

The world is an unfamiliar place now. I view people going about their daily business as ‘the other’ because there is such a separation between my window of perception and the space within which they inhabit. I can’t move as fast as they can or be as loud as they are or even contemplate pursuit of anything less than simple essential kindness, understanding, compassion. I guess a close call with death will do that to you. I guess when the part of you that is healing is the very center of who “you” are–the brain—this view is expected… I’m not embracing a foolish naiveté; i am only saying that certain things can happen to you in life that put things in perspective. What has happened to me is an example of what I am saying. So if you can learn from what has happened to me– and i hope you never experience something like this– learn to put things in perspective and see that your anger and your revenge and your put downs and your attacks and your talk and actions that are made out of a blind and pointless anger/insanity that will pass with time— must not be dictate or control you or put you in isolation. None of that matters. My body is alive. My brain is going about right this very moment doing what it needs to do to repair the damage. THINK about what you are doing in your life. Think about what you are doing to waste your precious life. Do not take your consciousness or perception for granted. Breathe in fully and slowly. Hold it for a moment then in a controlled manner — breathe out. I cannot be more sincere when I say: take a moment every day to be AWARE of LIFE.

love j.