November 15, 2001

November 15, 2001 4:31 PM

This Sunday (NOV 18) between 3 and 5 A.M. I will be looking up at the sky for the largest meteor shower since 1966 (when you could see 100,000 per hour). This year, 4,000 meteors per hour are estimated.

I’ve been reading, thinking , and engaging in games of chess with my Visor. I’m cleaning house, raking leaves, and donating many sentimental personal possessions to friends and to charities and to a school.

Also preparing for the next series of ‘interviews’ on this site with another diverse gathering of subjects. When these interviews are ready to post, I’ll announce who they are and direct you to their own URLs. Meanwhile, there is http://WWW.FZOOL.ORG/humor_pong.swf and I find it an accurate commentary on human nature among other things.

I’ve also been working on new sets of lyrics. I try to keep in mind when I write lyrics as well as when I write ‘artery’that my personal experience / perspective will be interpreted through the filter of whoever is reading – and in that way is universal. Time and again when it seems to me in some way that I am speaking only from my existence or my feelings or views, I get mail from a variety of people saying they found meaning and value for their own lives from what I said. In fact, the more intensely personal my words, the larger the reaction like that I receive. So from this, I have not found that what I do is perceived and/or dismissed as self conscious or precious.

In recent reflection, there are times when I want simply to vanish because the expectations I have of people seem continuously unrealistic and I experience a profound sense of disappointment and isolation. I have learned never to discount warm and loving arms holding you close and a soft breath on your neck. Some are afraid of intimacy because the emotional cost can be too much. These people shut down and close in and have many excuses and explanations. Those same warm arms can also push you away.

The world is full of this attitude.

And now I want to listen to what my own heart has to say. Listen to what my own experience has taught me. I want to value my life and my sense of self and cease regarding what anyone else has to say about it. Be very careful when hearing flattery and be ever so careful when hearing criticism. Consider the source. Consider the motive. I’m not a person who celebrates mockery. I am not a master cynic by any means. I am saying to consider ways to cultivate self esteem and engage in spiritual growth.

Do not betray yourself.