February 8, 2002

February 08, 2002 12:26 AM

how easy it is to be in denial about the way we experience life. . . how easy to fit into a pattern of thought and processing that makes it comfortable for us in some way as it rewards us even to the point of being defeatist in the long run. To continue behavior that goes nowhere knowing full well that it is ultimately fear that keeps us from change, from DOING. I suppose the big shock for me was when someone said to me that I had to take responsibility for the way people “in my life” treated me. For one thing, if a ‘friend’ caused me unhappiness, then why the hell did I continue to have them IN my life at all ? …….and the realization that ‘doing nothing’ is indeed a decisive act… if someone is bringing me down on a consistent basis, then by continuing to associate with them is MY choice. The very act of keeping them around me is the thing I must “own.” …………..

soon i will begin a process of writing for two new projects as well as finishing material for my Men album. have been thinking of a cabin I used to go to in North Georgia when I wanted to be completely alone . A place where I could write . maybe it is the times in which we live combined with my accident march 2001 , but this past year has painted a color of vulnerability that I did not see before. Not sure if I go to the cabin fearless anymore or even in the face of it. Still, being open and honest with myself and vulnerable to those who love me I see as a good thing……and with long term beneficial results.