March 31, 2002

March 31, 2002 05:16 AM

“I’m going home to meet my brother. Samuel said he’d meet me when I come. I’m only going over Jordon. I’m only going over home. ” – Wayfarin’ Stranger in memory of the anniversary of my brother’s death. . . . . . in the future, a moment when someone tells me they love me. in the future, a moment when someone tells me good-bye.

i sleep alone on a hard surface. i sense the world around me. finally here. the center of it.

i will receive roses again. i will appreciate the beauty of the sky. arms will wrap around me and i will feel the dance. silence is here. music is here. its 5 a.m. the best sex ever is here.

don’t cling to it. respect yourself. laugh at yourself.

unstable, troubled persons see around them the very thing that is out of balance in their own selves. coping mechanisms come easier to those who feel good about themselves and have a measure of confidence and self esteem. blaming others instead of examining your own potential for a distorted , even raving view is common in people in denial with their own fears and needs and disturbance.

the rain has stopped. for now.