July 2, 2002

July 02, 2002 01:21 AM

I had the pure strong visceral emotions that certain music awaken in me from the music I am working on with Neurosis for our current collaboration. Some of the music reminds me of intensely moving moments I felt in Swans. I have had flights into a place inside myself via music. The experiences on stage cannot be duplicated elsewhere —- as with the sense of aloneness when standing with the music in your headphones and the dry close scrutiny of every breath and brush of your lips upon the microphone.

I’ve been watching how I react emotionally to various circumstances. Time and again, I have come to realize upon reflection that as an emotion based singer – without this capacity to feel things as deeply and let them enter me, I would not have done the work I have recorded and performed to date nor the current work I continue to have resonate in me.

Someone once commented to me that I was a slave to my emotions. I would not say “slave” but I would counter to that comment that to me there is a big difference between technically flawless sterile execution in vocalizations and emoting via the voice as honestly and unselfconsciously as possible…in other words , not forced.

I continue to respond to that “natural” quality whether it be from the great Bessie Smith or the legend Maria Callas. To me, the first order of business for aspiring singers is to get down and dirty and touch that place in themselves where there is no public face and where pure emotions are born. From there, learn discipline and technique.