September 06, 2002 02:29 AM
Paul Bowles came to the realization that going around in a so-called social life was a way of avoiding facing one’s own self growth and avoiding the real inner work. He came to a place in his life where he had one or two close friends. One was Jane Bowles, his wife. He also paid the price for his self-imposed isolation by falling out of fashion in trendy literary circles and becoming almost forgotten.
For me, it is about energy and where I put my focus. My energy can be “stolen” if I do not guard it carefully. people have so many dramas. fear makes people do strange things. thoughtless senseless things. cruel things. in relationships, don’t be put into the position of having your time and energy wasted by being subjected to another person’s fear based behavior. don’t try and make excuses for another person’s behavior or blame your own troubles or state of mind on their actions. the only actions you can ultimately regulate are your OWN. al-anon addresses many things. of course some who become involved with al-anon do so because a friend or member of their family abuse drugs and alcohol. however, others get involved for reasons like verbal or emotional or physical abuse and passive aggressive behavior in family and friends and other problems. the most important thing i have learned from al-anon is to stop blaming and to truly realize that i can metaphorically and literally walk away and stop thinking like a victim. i catch myself all the time. and again and again i have reminded myself that the “blame game ” is a waste of time. the ONLY thing I can do is regulate ME.