September 30, 2002

September 30, 2002 01:05 AM

tonight i am alone for most of the run through the park when a tall woman with long black hair and a drawn,thin face with heavy dark circles under her eyes crosses in front of me from within the woods. even though it is dark, i can see that she is very pregnant to the degree that she looks like she is due at any time. What makes this curious to me is that she is alone at night dressed in full athletic gear to ”take on” the trail. Wearing a white maternity style t-shirt and black jogging shorts and shoes, she is also strapped with what appears to be a heart-monitoring device and some other kind of monitoring system as well… as she switiches on a flashlight in front of me as she steps over large fallen magnolia tree leaves along the trail. I go out into the street to pass around her before rejoining the trail so as not to come near her in her impressive condition. Something about it feels strange and i look over my shoulder after a time to see how she is doing but she is too far behind for me to see her at all. … i’ve been thinking a lot about the book i am reading over and over entitled : Anger – by Thich Nhat Hanh. Two aspects in particular have me deep in thought. One is the concept that when we “express’ our anger by hitting a pillow or punching bag, etc as has so often been encouraged by contemporary psychology – that we are actually “rehearsing” the anger and NOT reducing/releasing it. Yet the idea presented is to discuss with “loving speech” our suffering which is our anger and not repress it – but at a time when we are calm of mind after practice. The other aspect that has resonated within me is that of “watering the seeds” of love, compassion, and understanding and NOT anger, intolerance, irritation, and despair via the practice of MINDFUL breathing and walking and listening with compassion. Compassion alone protects you. ANGER begins and ends within ourselves . We are the direct objects of our rage.

XXX