January 13, 2003

January 13, 2003 12:44 AM

remembering.. . holding out my arm , i pull HER towards me. *. . Tonight the temperature outside was at freezing as I ran the trail. There were 6 fast male runners. 3 of them wearing shorts. It felt great being the only woman out there in the dark running hard to my own rhythm. The sense of camaraderie when you know you are out there with serious runners… . I feel a glow from it hours later and realize that when I run, I am ALIVE. It is THE time I am ALIVE. The running combined with lifting free weights and yoga is carving my body into this strong new form. The blood flowing through me when I run feeds the brain. The more I run , the more I CONQUER DAMAGE from my head injury of 2001.. So the “computer” was damaged ? I am building a new one NOW. Aconitum napellus, Circuta virosa, Helleborus enter into my system. ” Complex Partial” does NOT frighten me . BRING IT ON. ..I continue on this path. I push myself harder and harder. . I spoke with one of my mentors. It was suggested that new neuro-pathways will be mapped out in my brain via learning the music program I will obtain this year in a G4 computer. Composing and recording at home along with steady strenuous exercise is the ON switch to my new LIFE. And THAT is where Will Power will take me. I am calling this process : * The REANIMATION Of Jarboe.

I am DYING. I will DIE. Come and get me. Let DEATH come. I am fearless in the face of this pain. Let It COME. Long may I LIVE.

XXX . reanimation.