January 30, 2003

January 30, 2003 01:54 AM

There you are. I waited until it became January 30 to write. Today is a birthday. I can tell you sincerely that this birthday is especially significant for me. It has a weight like no other. Absolutely no other. I cannot explain it here in the way that I would like. We have to travel. . I’ve been sensing the presence of my mother and the mystery, diversity and courage of her life. She = the strength to which I have aspired my entire adult life. I’ve been thinking of the birth process itself and the sensations we experience as we emerge from the mother’s body. And then, and then… there is YOU…I know you want me to be strong. I know you have been patiently waiting for “me” to “return”. I haven’t forgotten the woman with whom you shared the journey of such unspoken history. Just let me say now that I do know you are out there reading this and you have to look into my eyes to understand. The rain is falling steadily outside the large window in my room. I want you to believe this : I was always aware of you even when you were in the dark standing there quietly watching me. I felt you. I felt your eyes upon me. It has always been for YOU. Your hand was reaching out to enter my chest. .to enter my chest and..*”break my heart, break my heart,break my heart, SO THAT I MAY LOVE EVEN MORE.”

… so that I may love even more … * Rumi

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X