February 14, 2003 02:58 AM
tonight i had another 5 mile run alone on the path. the last two miles were startling with the sense of being ALIVE. more than endorphins or fatigue, it was a profound revelation of solitude. outside of usual consciousness, outside of my body, outside of emotions. into a sense of relief , a sense of the weight lifting off . that is what my SURVIVAL now means . . in the dark, in my bed before sleep, i close my eyes and see myself running along the sand under a full moon. . . . today i had a phone call from a brilliant mind. he was a comfort to me and i realized as we spoke that he was alternately my father and my peer, my former husband and the artist with whom i had found the door of the powerful and mystical.