March 21, 2003

March 21, 2003 01:02 AM

(….written on the plane, Paris to Atlanta…) Something has cracked and I walked through it. It began gradually. Now it is in full effect. An observation so sudden and clear as to be shocking. Warm inviting eyes and what look like genuine smiles. I have not seen something like this since childhood, so much collective light . Almost euphoria. An epiphany. I can BELIEVE. Then I look within and cautiously ask myself if one experiences this from : a sadness so deep that there IS no further depth, a place of resolution with death, a place of insanity, psychosis… Why am I suddenly seeing this… It is as if I am somehow able to be among them. As if they do not notice an outsider. . .I must have entered a new world..

I will make my home here.

………. More inspiration : “I’d ike to live my life and get hurt repeatedly rather than run away and avoid it.” – Nicole Kidman ………… new Massive Attack cd is nourishing. ………. Thoughts about the trip coming soon. The DVD of the show in Gdansk will be good. ……… Today : Woke up with a fever. Fainted twice as sweat poured down my face. Spent the evening in the emergency room. Am home now. The doctor prescribed antibiotics for an upper respiratory infection. Finally feeling better as the meds kick in.

XXX