April 18, 2003

April 18, 2003 03:04 AM

My American Life. And even though I made straight A’s in English , here comes a “run-on sentence” – just because- I CAN. Tonight in a heavy rain, I’m simultaneously maneuvering my truck in heavy traffic on the interstate out to Griffin Studios (www.mindspring.com/~gminc/) to complete the lead vocals for a track called ERASE for the Neurosis and Jarboe c.d. while wolfing down my “dinner on-the-run” of a Chick-Fila sandwich, waffle fries, and a Coke. And I have this realization that kicks me good. I love being a musician. I love being a singer. And on My terms. My vision. GOD , I am doing what I dreamed about as a teenage girl staring out her bedroom window of white lace curtains , tripping on LSD while swinging her long hair in rolling circles to psychedelic rock. Thank you WORLD for letting me do what I believe I was put on this earth to do. Thank you music for keeping me alive. For giving me a reason to be alive. For being my one true lover. And you know what, things are never going to be the same. I have seen something tonight inspired of that blood red moon he spoke about. Thank you for the gifts of your inspiring words. And I also want to thank the one with the beautiful skin who gave me a gift today. He knows who he is . He is a poet. He licks my soul and fucks me slowly and passionately in his mind. And awareness means that I’m working on accepting love. I have not been able to do it and now I feel the wall around my heart eroding. I cannot give love unless I can accept being loved. Unless I can ACCEPT being loved.