April 26, 2003

April 26, 2003 04:12 AM

Tonight I went to various never before seen art galleries that actually stimulated. Maybe it was the mood . There was a tornado nearby and the sky was black. Women in high heels had consumed too much wine. Men in expensive sports cars stepped out in the drizzling rain with shiny hair and calculating eyes. And a beautiful elderly woman with gray hair in a bun moved in a slow and graceful Tai Chi. ..Later, I was driving home in the rain on an empty road at 2:30 a.m. with my window down , a huge wooden pitch fork in the truck bed, and my spare tire in the cab next to me. As I drive, I am reflecting on the weight that now lowers its body down upon me crushing my breasts and ribs. Crushing my pelvic bones. The realization hits me that the only thing stopping me is the breath. I am connected to it. In every activity where I soar. . . running, vocalizing, sex, weight lifting, yoga, meditation = The breath. And I cannot let go. I cannot leave here as long as I am attached to the breath. The unknown of losing it is the very thing that keeps me here . I realize now that DESTRUCTION did take place. The destruction was to what I was . And now . . . the machine can try and be stronger . It can also CEASE. I am in the place that has seen the TWO FACES walk alone as a small dark figure. This figure will remain alone through eternity. This is complete TRUTH. This is complete TRUTH. This is complete TRUTH. This figure will self destruct. I have visualized it. It has already begun. JUSTICE . ………..

…………… JUSTICE .