May 4, 2003

May 04, 2003 02:29 AM

Today was shocking to my system as a direct result of changing my physical behavior with the aim towards changing my thoughts. I took a trip with artist Robert Sherer and two of his companions south of Atlanta to visit artist E.K. Huckaby. The countryside combined with the intricate Southern Gothic atmosphere of E.K.’s home and studio had a cathartic effect upon me that I only fully realized hours later as I sat outside in front of a roaring fire back in Atlanta. I gazed into the fire and lost myself there as images of the “merzbow” (an elegant/ rustic whitewashed chapel-like structure made mostly of old windows and a tin roof which E.K. has built upon his land) rose up in my mind’s eye. I grasped tonight just how fascinating many of the people I have met in my life really are. Most of the time, my consciousness of the moment is behind a veil. I don’t sense things as if I am really seeing the person or having the experience. It is as if there is protective filter that blocks me from being entirely in the moment. I have found myself in abrupt and even dangerously intense moments with no comprehension how I got there. There is never an aforethought moment that leads to the sudden intrusion. Even in the most intense moment, when my partner was angry with me, not only could I not comprehend what had occurred to result in his anger but I did not share his extreme experience. I was baffled at the sudden fury. So today and tonight I actually felt a wash of relaxation come over me. A roaring fire, the evening air, no pressure, no stress, no expectations, no awkward standards, and peace. … This is the tranquility necessary to do The Work. And as an artist, the work is ALL THAT MATTERS. ….. ….. B E L I E V E