September 9, 2003

September 09, 2003 02:15 AM ……. that one is too needy. as they grieve, do you come to the rescue . leave them be. how many suffocate in their want of intimacy . . (“you’re an angel. i’ll never betray you. but i’ll always be a lonely child”**)… the air has fallen. the leaves are cool as they scatter over the garden. touch a black corduroy jacket. study 2004 calenders in the book store. . . Funny but I recognized again the ancient fear wincing in my stomach when the lover ( whether past, present, or nebulous) ridicules and mocks you with a voice of sarcastic syrup, and then I get one of those email chain letters advising “love like you’ve never been hurt.” Every word I write is held up for judgement. In light of this, I keep breathing until I cannot breathe any more. I’m distracted and my presense is at a bedside in the distance – yet in my mind. The harsh reality of life currently makes my eyes see the work of Shahzia Sikander in depth. And memories of words return to me. The birth of upheaval opens my ears to words and observations without decision upon him. When I think I realize my own state, I immediately acknowledge I know nothing.

……… Sept – 27 Francesca Sundsten 206. 624. 7684

…………. ** ‘Saved’ – m.gira

…….. the answer is : yes. …. “Why are our identities so fragile sometimes? How can love change to hate, how can fear eat away at your insides until there’s nothing left but the fear and a sick hole? Is it really necessary to have your heart broken to learn to get past these feelings?” – ANON. w. permission

…….. believe