September 25, 2003

September 25, 2003 03:05 AM

from now on, i am a completely different woman. The Trials. “my mother, myself.” in the harness. hands outstretched supporting herself in the doorway, black hair long and wild across her long pale nightgown. on crutches struggling down the hall. in the wheel chair. in the hospital bed, hand clenched, eyes staring wide, ruby mouth open ,face drawn. I look back at her and I look inside. where is she ? where has she gone. she is unrecognizable. . . and nothing now is as it was. nothing prepares you for this. nothing expresses this. i cannot expect comforting or compassion. i will open my mind and my heart for another. i will open my mind and my heart for myself. and i will sit here in front of the open window at 3 a.m. and let my own trial wash over me. There is NO point in anything but listening to the quiet voice that holds me close. .Listen to the breathing and drift to sleep. be in this MOMENT. Do not worry about the future . . . Don’t let the haunting take you over. Don’t let your mind break down. . . Functioning.. . . Tonight a screening. “More important than empires, more powerful than world religions, more decisive than great battles, more impactful than cataclysmic earth changes, NAQOYQATSI chronicles the most significant event of the last five thousand years: the transition from the natural milieu, old nature, to the “new” nature, the technological milieu. ” -Na-qoy-qatsi: (nah koy’ kahtsee) N. From the Hopi Language. 1. A life of killing each other 2. War as a way of life. 3. (Interpreted) Civilized violence.

……. believe