November 3, 2003

November 03, 2003 02:22 AM

so i’m going through all these master dat tapes listening to music i never “released” to put on to the end of the 13 Masks reissue coming soon. in 2004, i plan on reissuing my back catalog as well as MEN . then the project begins for the spoken word and the piano cds. the thing i am living with now is the music in my dreams that is inside of me. i wake up and the room is filled with it. and when i dream, i see myself in a long dress sitting at the piano playing feverishly while my hair falls in my face. i realize i have this deep capacity to love and the longing inside to express that love is actually a source of sadness. i want to understand why things are so seemingly complicated . Osho talks about expressing your anger but doing it alone in front of a mirror so that the only one who sees it is you. i tried this today and i looked hideous. i thought about the men who have seen my face in anger. i thought about their face in anger to mine. . . and what i am looking forward to as a gift to myself is a big bowl of spaghetti and bottles of wine at an Italian restaurant i know about and laughing heartily with old friends about all the crazy things we did.

…………. Enjoy your life. NOW. NOW. IT IS NOW.