November 25, 2003

November 25, 2003 11:59 PM

” you had a lesson to learn and you set up the curriculum yourself. No karmic payback system needed to explain it. you continued to need to learn. ” —- the question i now ask myself is what was the lesson ? did i need to learn that my desire to be loved is actually a weakness in me ? it is what has hurt me and what has tortured me ? i did it all to myself. rather than blame anyone else for this pain, i am not a victim of anyone or anything other than my own desire for love. if i have learned a lesson, it is to let go of wanting love and the expectations therein of having it returned. ..

because i tried to control what happened, because i desired an experience and an outcome, because i had expectations , i felt betrayed. i lost. ..

“when we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly” – frank outlaw

……………… learn from the weakness