December 25, 2003 04:26 AM
Tonight I’ve been enveloped by a sensation. Like a heavy black velvet billowing all around me in a cold icy wind. I have tried to let it just be what it is, let it do as it will. Why is it I become uncomfortable with this darkness encircling me and feel as if it is smothering ? There are many different frames of this thinking : 1. Stop being self absorbed. Be in service for others. 2. Don’t try and stop it. Let it be. 3. See it as a warning about something unresolved deep inside. And of course there are more. A significant moment : the gentleman said he was under no obligation to “explain” him attitude. I thought about this stance. It made perfect sense. I certainly do not have to explain a value placed upon ritual and observing holidays that honor the purposeful and rewarding memories of childhood where I was of help to my beautiful hard working mother with Christmas feast preparations. Is that sentimental ? Surely, it shaped my ideas about results / productivity/ usefulness/ consideration. Yes, it is also bittersweet. With NO Agenda. It’s like love, it just IS. My childhood was lonely and troubled. Holiday time was when I forgot that and thought about making a special presentation for others. I don’t have to explain why I think it is a good thing to take the time and care to make a special dinner and share it with one you love. Consideration for other’s belief systems is a good thing. Whether you celebrate Christmas or feasting time or the new year or LIFE itself , it is making an effort to not only stop the daily routine, but reflect. That to me is the value and beauty of the holidays. To each his or her own. A new year is coming. May we be sucessful and prosper in our spiritual endeavors. Cold winds. Black winds.