April 23, 2004

April 23, 2004 3:39 PM

Once again, I lost faith in those around me. I realized it had to do with my own expectations. People fell short of my expectations of them. I realized that this mindset was a trap I had set for myself. How difficult it is to have zero expectations from the people in your life. How difficult it is to not lose faith in human nature. And ultimately, false to see myself as being any better than they are. Was it even a question of “better” ? Better in my own mind ? Maybe it was a question of being different than me and not necessarily better or lesser than … My natural tendency my entire life has been to be suspicious of other people’s motives. Maybe I just have paranoid tendencies. This trait kept me from being mugged the entire time I lived in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in America in New York City. It seems that the way I am “wired’ is the way a warrior or soldier in a danger is wired. Perfect I suppose for what awaited me in the music business and life on he road and in the war-zone known as NYC.