May 31, 2004 02:02 AM
Tonight I am writing from my office in my home in Atlanta. It’s late . I’m sipping a glass of wine. Cicadas sing outside my window. I am ecstatic that summer approaches. I avoid the sun due to my fragile pale skin but I love the heat. I love baths and thin sensual clothing and the rush of a run on a summer night with sweat pouring down my face. I am here to tell you that I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am finally getting better. The hideous emotional pain that has felt like black death stalking me is receding at last and losing its power over me. It feels a bit like waking up from a dream. Actually, make that nightmare. It is one thing to listen and understand a concept. It is another thing to live it and feel it in your heart. I have been on a path for most of my life looking for one thing. That one thing is emotional detachment and relationship detachment. It does not matter if a couple is laughing and joyous or fighting with each other. They are the same thing. They are attached. This is the cause of all suffering. Attachment. Attachment to desire. Attachment to emotional gratification. It is the thing that enslaves. I no longer process this concept intellectually. I am living it. I am finally entering into a new world.