June 8, 2004

June 08, 2004 6:39 PM

I have learned that there is a heavy price to be paid for interpersonal involvement when there is ” A NEED” to be fulfilled – when someone HAS to be involved with you to fulfill their agenda- but has not CHOSEN to be in your life. This is HELLISH. Never align yourself with someone who HAS to be with you to accomplish an agenda of their own. It does not work. Resentment will raise its head and you will feel trapped. It is a recipe for disaster. Especially when the spirit of cooperation is not there and every little thing becomes combat. I am doing my best now to keep my head above water. If I do not, then I will need to die and wait to be reborn again. I am unable presently to focus on creativity. I am unable to do my work. This is because of the unpleasant atmosphere surrounding my life at this time. I have a heavy dark weight upon my chest and I am attempting to have some fragile sense of peace and harmony in my heart. I have been through too much in my life to be in this position.

Mental stamina. Emotional stamina. a pure heart. Ugly words will not touch me. I will forgive an enemy and not allow myself to self destruct. If I cannot forgive them, I will forget them. …………………….. Updates with some people I know : William Faith (Faith and the Muse) is on tour this summer playing bass in the project called : TWEAKER. They are the support act for the SKINNY PUPPY tour. William was involved in the MEN album which will be coming out in two volumes. The first volume is completed and will be ready for release very soon now. ********** Joseph Budenholzer (BACKWORLD) has moved to Glasgow, Scotland and has done numerous shows in Europe on is own and with LARSEN and CURRENT 93. David Tibet of Current 93 has invited me to contribute a track to an AIDS relief cd project. I agreed to do so and I am most likely going to submit a song Joe and I recorded together in New York. ********** One night when I was in NYC, my friend and I visited Kembra Pfahler’s place to see a video of her new fashion line and to discuss her art work. As of this date, you can visit a web page with photographs of her clothing line. Kembra was also the makeup artist on the Richard Kern photo shoot I did for the Anhedoniac c.d. www.papermag.com/stylin/fashion/shows/04spring/new_york/kembra/kembra.html *********

Also – people have emailed this site interested in seeing a photo of me on the home page as promised with my hair back to DARK and no longer blonde. I have this on a project list and as soon as I can find someone to actually photograph me. I will have the photo posted on the home page. Thank you –