October 23, 2004 03:46 AM
This morning I went for a run and in the sunlight, it was a very different experience. I didn’t like it very much I admit. It was a metaphor for me of my own expectations. Later, in traffic, I reminded myself that when I have felt shunned or neglected in the past, it is because I had expectations of others. When I realized I held expectations , I realized I was ultimately setting myself up for disappointment. The only thing I can do is take good care of myself and by sincerely doing this, take good care of those who care about me. It is interesting how martyrs are resented or dismissed and ignored. The suffering angers those around the one who has sacrificed. It frustrates them and then it alienates them forever. I have written a lot about this subject in my lyrics. It is a theme throughout my work. Indeed, it is my life. Seeing all of this has led to a major epiphany. Finally I am able to face my own reflection in the mirror.