December 7, 2004

December 07, 2004 01:52 AM

I have been granted a new life ripped from the once burning flesh of a dead life. I am in a serious place of transition. No one perhaps, understands me. No one perhaps, understands where I am or where I am going. My nervous system is being restructured and I am systematically destroying the woman I was before to give birth to the new woman I am becoming. I feel that I have made many mistakes in my recent past and I have not had the courage to return to war and survive as the lean and hungry animal fearless in her path. I am not interested in being nice so as not to rock the boat . I am not interested in being nice because I wish to avoid controversy. If I have enemies or there are those who criticize or abandon me, then by all means feel free to do so. Do it in your room in a chair facing the empty wall. Get out of my face. If you have lost faith in me, then find it in yourself. KILL YOUR IDOLS. I AM NOT ONE OF THEM. I LIVE. I AM THE DESTRUCTION OF EMPTINESS. I WILL NOT HOLD YOUR HAND……………………. Sunday night, Nic and I hung out with Paz and then we enjoyed the RTX show. My friend Brian G. was there and we all had a great time. Paz is amazing and her bass playing put me in a place of fucking bliss. My GOD. I love this woman ! RTX is tight and the show is a lot of fun. SEE THEM … Today , we were at Guitar Center and ran into the band who had just happened to stop by on their way to their next gig in Denton, Texas. Nic got an acoustic and we drove home in psychedelic light in the cool rain. I have four more days before I fly back to San Francisco to work with Neurosis before we go to London together and do the show there on the 18th. I am feeling good and excited to perform in London. The theatre holds over 2000 people and I have not been to London since the 97 Swans final show and so it is a welcome home to the place that accepted and made Swans a name before any place else had the courage to do so. I have A LOT of memories from London. BRING THE NEW ONES ON.

I AM HAPPY. I AM ALIVE. I HAVE BEEN GRANTED A NEW LIFE RIPPED FROM THE ONCE BURNING FLESH OF A DEAD LIFE. I AM IN LOVE. I HAVE THE BEST FUCKING GUITARIST IN THE GODDAM WORLD. BELIEVE IT.

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