May 18, 2006

May 18, 2006 11:22 PM

Here it is 2 in the morning and I am still feeling the energy from the run I had earlier tonight. It is a big deal to me because all I have been able to do for several months is power walk and walk/jog a bit. This is because I had a set back when I fractured my sternum in Spain. Now that the bone has knitted back together, I can get back to where I was before the accident. So tonight I managed to full on run for 4 miles. I was soaking wet with sweat as I tore into the parking lot afterwards. The feeling was like a welcome home. The thing about running is that if you are a natural runner like me, it supplies a chemical adjustment that circulates in your brain that is necessary for your mental health and emotional outlook. Without running, a sense of helplessness and depression sets in to natural athletes. I sometimes think about the fact that at the time I was about to go join Swans, I was also considering becoming a body-builder. This is one of the reasons I believe in the message of the book : The War Of Art. I personally relate to it because I can see now that everything I spent energy on was an avoidance to what I was meant to do all along. A resistance. A resistance to being a singer, a performer in a creative field, a musician, an artist. The very thing that scares you, the very thing that you put off and find excuses to avoid is the very thing you need to be doing. I have many of those things and I fight the good fight every single day. Some people tell me how strong I am. All I can see is the constant weakness and the constant struggle to achieve what I am on this earth to achieve in this life. We all affect each other. We come in contact with someone in their life and we somehow change the course of that life. In that way, we all have power. Think for yourself. Never let yourself become brain-washed so that you no longer question authority or question those who claim to have an answer. You are a Buddha.