May 17, 2007

May 17, 2007 10:59 PM

as humans, we get caught up in the drama of our emotions and our mental spaces. our lives become so closed to other realities because we become self-involved. we also become “experts” on how to solve other people’s problems and think we know what is good for someone else. some people even believe they are superior to someone else and they have the right to ridicule or mock another. i don’t understand this behavior and i never will be so arrogant as to have a laugh at someone’s expense. when i see someone doing this, i will admit that i can no longer know that person or respect them. i was the one who was ridiculed when i was a girl in school. i was too bright. i was catholic. i dressed differently. i was original. i did not follow the sheep. i read college level literature when i was in the 5th grade. i was an outcast. it affected me deeply and i will forever look beyond the superficial and the obvious in people and champion the underdog, the true hero, as a result. and friendships shift through life as time goes by because circumstances change us and people no longer fit into our perspective the way they once did. i now think of it as the creation of the geographic layout of the continents where land mass pulled apart to create separate bodies of land. this is what happens to people. the thing that i ponder is the state of being and how it can shift from someone else’s words to me. this is an aspect that requires restraint. i admire the discipline of the Queen of England because she has such control and discipline over her emotions. like any strong head of state, she exhibits self control. now, more than ever, this quality is significant to me in an age of pop culture embracing something quite different with all of the “reality” television programs etc. i have never watched these programs but i have read about them and i remember a time when it seemed that any time you turned on a television, someone was weeping in front of the camera. i have examined emotions in my work from the very beginning of my career. i have gone to the extreme to explore them. in my life, all i can say now after all of my life to date is that when exposed to toxic emotions of someone else and your former balance is threatened and you begin to feel yourself slide, you must change the temperature any way you can. go for a run, take a shower, go out and take deep breaths of air, go to a different environment, close your eyes and follow your breathing. change the channel. do not let yourself be deluged with the toxic waste. if you fall , remember you cannot help another. take care of YOURSELF so that you can help others by your discipline and self-control. this is what i have learned for ME. i cannot fix anyone else. i cannot tell anyone else what to do. i can only say what i have learned.