February 14, 2008 10:42 PM
i wanted to write that i am reminded again and again to have zero expectations from anything at all. if things are to come together, they will. you can spend your whole life beating your head against the wall in search of the great meaning, in search of the great purpose of your life. for me, simply remaining true to myself is the meaning and sometimes it is also the challenge. It is the challenge because i am compassionate and consider another’s feelings before my own. it puts others’ interests before my own. i have withstood and even suffered numerous things in my life as a result of putting my own self last in the effort to somehow help other people. now i realize that even that attitude – as natural as it is for me- is from an attachment to ego and that i would not even see it that way if i were at a place of detachment. if you sacrifice your happiness by putting someone else before yourself, are you attached to happiness and peace of mind or is the fact that someone else can have an impact on your own peace of mind illustrating your attachment ? i keep bouncing back from the sadness around me. i keep bouncing back. i expect people to be nice and to be honorable. i expect to be safe and have things go well. i believe that when you expect something, you WILL it to be. this goes very deep and you cannot fool your deep self. i calmly walked through Cabrini Green with this attitude as well as through gangs in the East Village of NYC in the 80’s and was unscathed. the other truth is that when you treat yourself with utmost respect, you garner that respect and you bring out the best in others when your actions are from your best place. you cannot blame yourself for the unhappiness of another. you can only be a beacon of your own inner eternal God light.