September 2, 2008

September 02, 2008 05:10 AM

Tonight I reviewed the 2005 DVD series of the Exorcism tour that Brett Robinson documented in raw, unforgiving , and extreme video footage. As a rule, I don’t watch or listen to my performances after they have happened. So unless I am actually experiencing it, I am unaware of the nature of the performance and the energy generated. In the shows with Amber Asylum in 2005, (as in the Baltic shows of 2004) I had the inner directive of exorcism of emotional pain from not only the people in the room but surrounding energy. When I was not engaged in that channeling, I was for the most part exhausted and limp and barely containing life force in my own body. I can remember this state of void before and after the performances. One thing that I will say with objective clarity is that those shows are of the most extreme performances done in the guise of “music” when in actuality, they are like Actionist performance pieces. There is a fine line sometimes between real life and art and theatrical performances. Iggy Pop comes to mind as does Michael Gira from 1984 to 1987. My performances in this vein were done with only a piano accompanying me or strings or an acoustic guitar. With a full loud bombastic band like Swans in 1986 behind me, I can only imagine what the experience would have been like. I believe what I have seen in the documents of my channeling performances to be every bit as powerful and ground-breaking and genre-defying as those men. As they are, they are a woman stripped down to the very bare bones of essential emotions as they break down the body. Not pretty. Not consoling. And not for the weak of heart even in catharsis.